I am Rainbow

“Actually it’s so fake, to ask for 4D (lottery) when praying to ancestors.”

“So? What’s the difference with praying to God? Do we thank God solely because we are grateful that God protects us? No. Most of us ask for success in career, love in relationships, get all As in exams, safety and health.”

Cheng Beng falls on 18th Feb in Chinese calendar.

I had never failed to attend Cheng Beng when I was younger. We had to get up at 4am to go back to Negeri Sembilan and then to ancestors’ cemetries. The 1st one was the darkest, most dangerous and narrow. We had to walk on small drains to go up the ‘hill’ and there was no light post. We carried torch lights and you could see dark shadows lurking, moving everywhere! It was scary to mini me.

There was 1 time where I saw a huge bump on the neighbour’s cell. A rotten coffin! I pointed at it and jumped, “Eeee!!!”

“What is it?” A relative asked.

“A coffin! Vampire ah!!” I dashed to the other side, no coffin’s side. Would the rotten coffin open up? I accidentally stepped on a broken wood and shrieked. Ai! I had stepped on the Vampire’s house!! I hoped it wouldn’t rise up and bite me in the neck!

“SHHH! Slap your mouth! Don’t say that!” An adult scolded me.

Yuh.. obviously I had a big mouth and over active imagination. Watched too much horror Scooby Doo and Ghost Busters cartoons.

When the cemetry was mowed down for new developments, that ancestor’s ‘home’ was shifted to a newer, bigger cemetry, along with other ancestors. So we only had to go to 2 places.

As I grew up, I had so much anger and hatred (hey, growing up wasn’t a bed of roses) that I hated visiting the dead relatives. I mean, why should I pray to them? I don’t even know them and vice versa! For God’s sakes, they had been dead before I was born! They are probably in hell, heaven or reborn already if you believe in reincarnation.

Soon, I started to skip 1 year and came back the next year.. But someone said, “It would help you if you go for Cheng Beng, pray for Hungry Ghosts.” I had disturbing visions and dreams of fighting with evil spirits then. Actually on and off. Maybe I think too much.

The only deceased relative that I would want to visit would be my maternal grandma. She was always kind to me, protecting me when mother scolded and hit me with rotan, letting me use her Shiseido lipstick… :’( I miss her.

“Why don’t we visit grandma?” I asked mom the year after she had passed away.

“Don’t want la.”

“Why not?!”

“Your (living) aunt doesn’t like us to visit her (grandma).”

“Why not? She is - was your mother!”

“Some people have superstition. They believe that we would take their wealth and good things from them if we go pray. Somemore I am the daughter.”

Meaning daughter(s) who is married (to outside) is considered outsider, not family. So to ensure the family name (son’s family) lives prosperously, the daughter’s family shouldn’t visit the deceased. Some families have another superstition - whoever prays first would get the majority, if not all, of the good stuff bestowed by the deceased relatives. How silly.

“We can go after she went. Then she wouldn’t know we went there hehee.”

“Don’t want la. I believe we should appreciate loved ones while they are alive. Not after they are dead.”

Mmm.. true also. So why do we pray at father’s ancestors? Just coz they are males side of relatives and we should follow the tradition?

-^-

Loved ones are in our hearts.