What is abuse?

Taken from Past Forward: The 4 levels of torture

Torture of the Body
* any physical assault: (pulling, pushing, pulling hair, squeezing hand, arm twisting, spitting, having things thrown at one, being hit by things, being restrained, being urinated on, forced abortion/injury, any unwanted physical contact)
* any physical battery: (kicking, punching, pinching, slapping, hitting, shaking, cutting, burning, choking, smothering, being thrown, being forced fed, being knifed, being shot, broken bones, challenging one to be violent, attempted/actual murder)
* any abuse inside the home (locking one in or out, harming pets, throwing out/ destroying property, slamming doors, throwing objects, ripping clothing, neglecting basic needs, deliberately creating a mess for one to clean, not coming home when needed, coming home drunk or stoned, displaying violent pictures/videos/games)
* any abuse inside the car (driving too fast, driving recklessly, driving while intoxicated, prohibiting one from using the car (by tampering with the engine, chaining the steering wheel, taking the keys, etc), forcing one out of the car (when angry or while it’s in motion), threatening to kill one by driving into an oncoming car or off the road, chasing or hitting one with a car, killing one in an “accident”)
* any financial abuse (stealing or witholding money, keeping “secret funds”, spending money beyond means, pressuring one to take full responsibility for finances, not paying fair share of bills, spending on addictions/gambling/sexual services, not spending money on special events, pressuring or controlling working)

Torture of the Mind
* any repeated threats (about being killed, about being injured, constant intimidation, constant pressuring or trickery, standing too close, invading personal space, constant put downs and/or being ignored in public, taking advantage of one’s fear of something, threatening to get drunk or stoned or violent “or else”, expecting one to conform “or else”, abuser must always get their own way)
* any intentional deprivation (restricting food or drink, sleep deprivation, denying medical treatment, hiding or witholding necessary medications, periods of punishing silence, not allowing one access to family and friends, being rude/encouraging rudeness to friends or relatives or other important individuals)
* any constant barrage of criticism (breaking down self respect, denying self worth, attacking self esteem, name calling, finding fault, verbal threats, constant yelling, laughing in one face, making one think they are crazy/stupid/worthless, minimizing one’s work or contribution, comparing one to others to show one is inferior, always being disbelieved by the abuser despite objective evidence to the contrary)
* any intentional self destruction (pressure to become hooked on alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, or meds, pressure to self mutilate, suggesting or promoting suicide or murder, forcing one to witness/participate in rituals/human sacrifices, intermittent abandonment, gaslighting (saying one thing - meaning another)
* any legal damage (making one do illegal things (sell drugs, turn tricks, steal money), pressure to mutilate animals, forced cannibalism, making false accusations, threatening to report one to authorities, forcing one to drop charges, pressuring one to stay around during drug or alcohol abuse, lying under oath (perjury))

Torture of the Emotions
* any emotional abuse (overpowering one’s emotions, denying one’s emotions, repressing one’s emotions, dissociating one from one’s emotions, projecting one’s emotions on others, minimizing the importance of one’s emotions, emotional sandbagging, converting one’s emotions into self damaging behaviors, constant manipulation, always bringing up old issues, never really forgiving: holding grudges, easily angered/arguing, too jealous, making one feel guilty, refusing to deal with issues, having a double standard for abused/abuser)
* any unwanted/forced sexual contact (pinching, slapping, grabbing, poking, burning genitals, treatment as a sex object, inspecting/probing the body prior to sexual contact, degrading body parts, critizing sexual ability, false accusations of participation in sexual affairs, badgering/hounding/ threatening for sex, forcing sex to point of rape, being rough with sex, choking/mutilation during sex, unwanted viewing of pornography, sex obtained only by administering drugs or alcohol)
* any sex required as payment or with unwanted partners or at inappropriate times (having sex because of a lost argument/lost bet, sex as payment for drugs and alcohol, forced to have sex for money, forced to have sex while being recorded for porn, forced to have sex with those infected with a sexually transmitted disease, forced to have sex with animals, forced to have swinger/swapper sex, forced to have sex when ill or too close to childbirth or surgery, unwanted fondling in public, purposely not washing & expecting sex, sexual comments/jokes in public, constant name calling (whore, slut, frigid, bitch), witholding affection to get sex)
* any restrictions/control on personal preferences (dictating mode of dress, dictating acceptable behaviors, dictating friends, dictating acceptable activities, insisting on accompanying one everywhere, censoring one’s mail, taking the phones or denying one use of the phones, listening in on private phone conversations, not giving one any space or a moment of privacy, demanding a precise accounting of one’s time/deviations from routine, denying or taking away responsibilities)
* any restrictions/control on social activities (controlling what one does, who one sees, who one talks to, what one reads, where one goes, how one spends their personal time, isolating one from others, change of abuser personality with others (good in public with others/bad in private with the one abused), making a “scene” in public, treating one like a servant/child, not passing on messages, refusing to do things with/for one, preventing one from taking a job, displaying certain controlling mannerisms (snapping fingers, pointing) to get one’s way with the abused)

Torture of the Spirit
* any misuse of religion (misquoting/misinterpretation of scripture to justify abuse or dominance, using church position to pressure for sex or favors, excessive spending for religion, preventing one from attending church, mocking/belittling one’s religious beliefs, requiring sex acts or drug use as religious acts)
* any abuse of children (assaulting one in front of their children, forcing one to stay home with the children all day and night without any help or relief, embarrassing/ putting down one’s parenting ability in front of their children, teaching children to abuse their parent through name calling, hitting, blatant disrespect, etc, not assuming one’s responsibility for children, threatening to abduct the children)
* any abuse during pregnancy and childbirth (forcing one to have an abortion, denial of responsibility/support for the child refusing sex because a pregnant body is ugly, making one feel bad for time spent with the baby, refusing support during the pregnancy, childbirth, and childhood, blame because the infant is the “wrong” sex, pouting, sulking or getting angry when the baby is the center of attention)
* any abuse during separation or divorce (buying off kids with expensive gifts, not showing up on time to pick up kids, not having kids back on time, pumping kids for personal information on the partner’s new life (new partners, new work, etc), telling kids one is responsible for breaking up the family and causing the divorce, using kids to transport hurtful messages, denying court ordered access to children)

Credits: from channeled information and in memory of the heroes of September 11, 2001 and from Lady Care’s Abuse Realm

PTPTN loan

Even though I no longer owe PTPTN $, I still double checked my status once in awhile. I heard PTPTN database had screwed up before and it lost or mixed up some info a few years back. Or was it the excuse that PTPTN wasn’t chasing people to pay back the loan?

If you have the means (like the millionaire in direct selling) and still owe PTPTN money, think of the good will come out of it if you pay back the loan (bit by bit or all at once):

• PTPTN had given the $ to you before you graduated and you received your education, which enhanced your knowledge, skills.
• You’ll help other people get the education they need, like you did.
• You don’t have to worry and feel that you are a criminal deep inside, the PTPTN is out to get you.
• What you give will surely return to you in other ways. :)

You can check the status:
http://www.ptptn.gov.my [English | Bahasa Malaysia]

1. Password : Identity Card No of Borrower (eg: 800131141234, no need space)

2. Pin No/Password : Borrower’s Loan No

(Please refer your Loan No in the Statement of Accounts)

-Every payment made at the bank counter or online will be imposed a service charge by the bank.

-Please keep the payment slip or print the payment receipt.

-An official receipt from PTPTN will only be issued if payment is made directly to PTPTN.

Online Loan Settlement & Statement Check

Online SSPN Deposit & Statement Check

Loan Balance & SSPN Account Balance Check Via SMS

One Stop Center Services in KL Sentral

When job agencies charge job seekers

Position: General interview
Company: Recruit Express
Field: IT, Customer Support
Industry: IT
Location: Menara Standard Chartered

I’m posting this not because I want to lash at this job agency but to let whoever stumbles into this post know more about career searching and applying jobs via job agencies. Frankly, IMHO, employees shouldn’t charge job seekers when they are getting $ from employers.

Pre-interview 

Whoa, website uses XML! Back when I was studying for Degree, XML was among the latest language. It was 1 of the most useful language and would change the world! Still, a lot of websites now continue to stick to HTML. Wait. Copyright 2004/5?

I applied the job from another online job portal where this job agency advertised and was called by a staff from this job agency to come for interview.

“Do you have marketing experience?” she asked briskly.

“Err.. not for long,” I replied. I know, “err” should be bared from any professional sentence.

“Anyway- I want you to come for interview. Tomorrow, can?” It sounded more of an order than a question.

I gave myself 2 hrs for travelling. Who knows how sometimes public transport delays Better early than late. :) Glad I took the time to reach there because I thought there would be a bus stop very nearby the building. Nope. The bus didn’t stop until the rounded corner towards Star Hill and it was too dusty, narrow to walk back to Menara Stan Chart. So I followed the bus till it rounded near the building again.

I was 1/2 hr early.

Interview

Some buildings – especially those developed by or tenants catered mainly for Chinese, there would be no #4. *gasp*

Do Malays love #4 because they sit like #4 (1 leg twist over to the other leg at the knee) and can goyang kaki, become boss and supported by the government?

– a (racist?) joke I heard because a lot of Chinese and Indians also sit like this, especially at home and mamak stall

As I filled up the form, I noticed all the staffs were females. Except 1 guy with tag walking out of the building. High pitch banter. Lively.

Once we sat down, she told me, “This job actually require 2 years marketing.”

I didn’t work under marketing department yet I had touched marketing via liaising with marketing department, ideas, promotions, advertisements, psychology.

“So tell me about yourself,” she continued.

I started with after graduation and was cut off.

“You don’t have – marketing experience – but I still ask you come interview – This is for a fashion company but you don’t have- how many years you work – for fashion?”

The resume was right in front of her. She didn’t read it, she just looked at it without comprehending (or calculating) the duration.

I slided my index finger over the row of that job. I told her the duration.

“It’s only 1 year,” she said.

I held my index finger out, “I haven’t finished. I was going over to the fashion part after that.” I charged with the experiences and training I got from working 1 year in fashion. Really. It’s not about the duration. It’s about quality, compact experiences and knowledge gained.

A person can have 20 years in experience for a position or department but if all he/she does are dilly dallying, watering plants, playing golf, collecting plastic bags, without contributing but gets huge paycheck – what’s the point?

“I want to know why you quit your job.”

I thought she didn’t want to know the job specs and achievements?

I started off with the most recent one.

“Wo- Do you quit if I hire you? Say the same thing again?”

“Of course not.” I am not stupid.

“I am looking for a job that benefits myself and the company. For now, and before that,” I pointed to the previous previous job, “I was already interested in the fashion line.” This is the truth.

“Do you know how to speak Mandarin?” She then broke off in thick Mainland China Mandarin accent.

I replied her in Mandarin too. “Bu ke yi.” I already listed the language I speak and write in the application form. I supposed headhunters are supposed to double-check the info.

“You know your weakness? You don’t know Mandarin. And. This job – need Mandarin. “

“You should include the job language requirement in the advertisement.”

“I did.”

I shook my head firmly. “No.”

“Got. You be surprise. This job is very urgent. And this week, I interview all cannot speak Mandarin and don’t have experience in fashion or marketing. A lot of Malay apply.”

A person doesn’t know Mandarin just because he/she is a Malay? There are a lot of different races learning multiple languages.

“No, you can double check your ad. If not, I wouldn’t apply this position.”

“You read about the declaration part?” She pointed to the form that I had filled up.

“Yes..”

She underlined the Declaration in the application form. She explained, “Good, then – we charge RM50 for intro fee. And cut 80% off (I didn’t hear this part already because I moved the application form closer to read)- “

“I didn’t read this part, let me read again.”

The deal:

Successful job seeker must pay RM50 to Recruit Express for Letter of Appointment.

If a job seeker who has signed Letter of Appointment and do not turn up to work on time or leave within 90 days, salary would be cut 80%.

I asked her, “Why do you need job seeker to pay your company?”

“It’s liddat.” Meaning the job agency charges you for their effort in finding work for you.

“I thought you charge the employers?”

“We charge them at different rate,” she waved her hand dismissedly.

That means this company charges the employer and employee!

“And the 80% cut…”

“It’s reasonable what. You start a job also, you must come to work. Do you agree?”

“No (it’s not reasonable). I think you can cancel my application. Thanks.”

“Ok.”

“Thanks again for informing me (about the Declaration).”

I emailed JobStreet about this incident – Recruit Express has this clause where upon signing offer letter by the employee, the employee has to pay Recruit Express but I received no reply from JobStreet. I guess JobStreet is into making money than integrity.
JobStreet – Recruit Express profile

Now I’m losing my trust on JobStreet because I still see a lot of such jobs at JobStreet.