I am Rainbow

My team had several new staffs without much IT background (no Degree) in education. Though they claimed they had experience in using computer, it gave me much amusement when I was in good mood. When manager asked me, “So how are they?”

I ranted my head off, counting good & bad.

“Are you having too high expectation?” He asked.

“No.” I expected them to know how to use computer reasonably - don’t have to know how to network but they have to know how to use most basic functions in MS Office like cut, copy, paste, change fonts, browse & research on Internet, what’s a printer, scanner, etc. Thank goodness nobody types like L (Death Note). But of course, I wouldn’t mind if they have L’s brilliant mind.

I didn’t participate in the interview sessions for 2 of them. I had no idea what sort of questions were asked to them by the interviewer.

When I asked 1 of them to login to Windows Live Instant Messenger, she logged in with her Gmail email address. Then she reported, “Cannot login.”

When I asked the other to login with email in company’s website, he logged in with his personal Hotmail account. Hah!

After screaming internally, felt like punching the wall and stomping the ground several floors down; I told my manager, “I need to be in the interviews.” The thing is, I’m the one to train these people and work with them directly. Which I had no control in hiring.

He agreed. It was too late to take back hiring the 2 staffs which was hired by my superior. There was still chance for future candidates as we are getting more volume of work.

So for the 3rd newbie, I joined the interview with the other interviewer. I asked the potential employee, “Can you tell me a bit about yourself?”

The other interviewer told me the answer - what the candidate is currently doing, education & experiences.

Imagine my shock. Maybe the interviewer thought it was my problem that I was there late a few minutes (had some escalation) and she had already asked the candidate this question. BUT! I wanted to hear from the candidate, not the interviewer!

The candidate assured us, “Yes, I can do. I can learn. I know how to use computer. I had Cert in Computer. I’m very flexible.”

“Flexible as in?”

“Oh.. like in my previous company, I follow my teammates.”

“That means if everyone in our team is lazy, you would be too?” I asked in a joke (not).

“Hahah, yeah.”

No bone.

I told my manager about my reservations that when there was no question from candidate during interview, there would be a lot of questions (and problems) once the person works. Of course, manager rebutted, “Not everyone asks so much questions like you.”

“OK.” I got what he meant: asking lots of questions doesn’t mean a person is suitable, asking no questions doesn’t mean a person isn’t suitable either.

Forward a few days later, this candidate was hired after 2nd interview with manager. Ha?!

The best was when I talked about different types of Operating Systems used by our customers from Unix to Linux to Microsoft, I got a blank face from her.

“Uh.. what is Operating..?”

I recalled she had taken Computer Cert before. Surely, she would know this?

I asked her, “Do you know what is Microsoft Windows?”

A blank look.

Oh gawd. * Deep breath * Be calm, be calm. * Breathe! * How can anyone not know what is Microsoft when one had Computing Cert?

I asked her again (maybe with accusing tone), “I thought you had taken computer course before?”

“Oh, that was 5 yrs ago,” she waved her hand non-chalantly.

“Forgot all already?”

“No… I remember some.”

“Like?”

“Mm…” she shrugged her shoulders. “You ask me.”

“What do you use - (I better ask this 1st) - which program did you learn there?”

“Mm.. all the Office.”

“Which one? Can you show me?” I gestured at the START button on the monitor in Windows.

She had problem finding Office Tools.

When I moved the mouse over those, I asked her again. She mixed up all of them. Or she had problem in communication & explaining things in general. To which, SHIT! We work in the communication and IT field!

“PowerPoint is to add pictures and words.”

“Mm.. Word to write.”

“Access to do calculation.”

“Calculation?” I asked.

“Like accounting?”

“Oh.”

Holy. Someone needed a refresher course badly.

After learning my lesson that I must be present & ask the right questions in interviews, I learnt that I had to test the candidates on English & computer skills too. For the 4th candidate, the other interviewer used my question in 3rd candidate. What a laugh! Sure, nobody has patented interview questions before but she used the exact word as mine.

No point hiring people who doesn’t even have basic English grammar or those who need me to train them on what is “mouse”.

I can do that (explain what is “mouse” or “all-in-one” and it’s not the shampoo + conditioner) but that will make the training sessions wayyyyy much longer.

I consoled myself. Put myself in their shoes. Maybe when I jump to a totally different field, someone would be kind (and patient) enough to pass his/her knowledge to me when I am the duh one. *cross fingers*

I ate cold cheese naan & before that mango fruit at 2sth for my lunch. The worst thing was I ate and answered newbies questions since my lunch time was spent reading newspapers & eating the mango fruit while waiting for BraveSafe to bungkus my cheese naan. Didn’t even think of reheating the cheese naan.

My BIG mistake, that! On the way home after work, I was thinking of sales - which 1 should I go? MPH? FJ B’s? MJ’s was a remote chance since it was far for me. With so many warehouse sales going on last week and Labour’s Day (Public Holiday yay!), you’d thought I were rummaging through the goods. Nooooooooooooo!

Back to on my way home. I wanted to vomit. Shit. The worst feeling is to feel that you wanna vomit but you couldn’t. With the car being hit before, it was like being in a car held together loosely and every bump made me wanted to vomit more. I forced myself to thank that I was actually in a car instead of the public transport. And the driver wasn’t me. Man, if I were sick & had to drive… I think I’d just pass out on the roadside. That better than accident.

Once home, it took sometime to vomit all the yucky thick white & light yellowish gunk out. Can’t imagine how sick and pregnant women (morning sickness) feel. Wouldn’t want anyone to feel such pain. Agh. Not even worth it when I saw my stomach was sunken. Totally disagree vomitting is a diet. It’s self torture. Same was getting drunk.

Stubborn and dead tired as I was, I insisted on sleeping instead of going to the doc. After all, the next day was Public Holiday. I could see doc then. No rush for Medical Cert. I alternated between sleeping, going to the bathroom for small business and poking my throat to force vomit. At night I decided to go to doc. The bad food poisoning wasn’t going away.

Mom exclaimed, “Doc close already lah!”

“Huh?” Sick made my mind duh.

“Public holiday open till 3pm only.”

I thought there was still 24hrs clinic..?

My brain shut down and I went back to bed, willing the vomit to go away in sleep.

The next evening, which was Friday, I went to see the family clinic finally. I rarely see this doc. I told him my problems. He tested my temperature.

“Got fever.”

“Unh.” Surprised. I thought I had food poisoning only.

He tested my pressure and I remembered mildly this doc never failed to take pressure. It wasn’t as painful as before but maybe I was numbed already. He told me to lie down on the bed. He didn’t call the nurse over. I was prepared to punch his gonads should he touch somewhere he wasn’t supposed to. Though I wondered how hard my punch would be since I could stand for more than 5min. What I meant was I coudln’t stand for more than 5min. Couldn’t!

“Lots of gassssss,” he said as he tapped my bloating stomach. Bloop. Bloop.

Doc peered at me. “You can drink 100 Plus for your fever.”

I nodded. No energy to speak.

So I told father to buy 2 bottles of 100 Plus & drank it within 2 days. From sunken stomach, it bloated and I continued to feel like wanted to vomit. Aghhhhh eaaarrr.. Even massaging stomach didn’t help much. Not that I did much. I was having 1% batt when I was awake. Was hungry, dead tired and wanted to pee at the same time.

This time, I went to see Chinese doc. Never guessed I had Chu- chu mou tan - the cold version 1. Had to drink bitter hot med & eat pills. Didn’t know if Chinese med MC is accepted by company or not but I didn’t care then. I could barely answer the doc’s questions, much less going to work handling escalations & *gasp* new staff coming in! I’m in charge of training newbies, besides other huh important things. Forgot to take the receipt though. Twice.

The difference between Chinese & Western docs are:

Western doc: You can eat anything.

I: Ha?

Western doc: On 2nd thought. Don’t eat poisoned food. Drink 100 Plus for your fever.

Chinese doc: Cannot eat meat - chicken, pork, duck, fish. No oily & heaty curry food. No santan. Rice cannot. No kaya, no butter & margarine. Go eat bread & … bread only.

:-|

“I’ll give you 2 more days la,” Chinese doc said.

“Uh.. 1 day enough I think,” I was away from work for 3 days already.

“Ok then.”

Duh. Duh. Duh! If doc said give, take lah! Could still come to work even when there’s MC! I could’ve rested fully & come back to work on Fri. Na ah. I had to shoot myself and go to work.