Daily Archives: 24 March 2007

Why do we pray to God?

“Actually it’s so fake, to ask for 4D (lottery) when praying to ancestors.”

“So? What’s the difference with praying to God? Do we thank God solely because we are grateful that God protects us? No. Most of us ask for success in career, love in relationships, get all As in exams, safety and health.”

Cheng Beng

Cheng Beng falls on 18th Feb in Chinese calendar.

I had never failed to attend Cheng Beng when I was younger. We had to get up at 4am to go back to Negeri Sembilan and then to ancestors’ cemetries. The 1st one was the darkest, most dangerous and narrow. We had to walk on small drains to go up the ‘hill’ and there was no light post. We carried torch lights and you could see dark shadows lurking, moving everywhere! It was scary to mini me.

There was 1 time where I saw a huge bump on the neighbour’s cell. A rotten coffin! I pointed at it and jumped, “Eeee!!!”

“What is it?” A relative asked.

“A coffin! Vampire ah!!” I dashed to the other side, no coffin’s side. Would the rotten coffin open up? I accidentally stepped on a broken wood and shrieked. Ai! I had stepped on the Vampire’s house!! I hoped it wouldn’t rise up and bite me in the neck!

“SHHH! Slap your mouth! Don’t say that!” An adult scolded me.

Yuh.. obviously I had a big mouth and over active imagination. Watched too much horror Scooby Doo and Ghost Busters cartoons.

When the cemetry was mowed down for new developments, that ancestor’s ‘home’ was shifted to a newer, bigger cemetry, along with other ancestors. So we only had to go to 2 places.

As I grew up, I had so much anger and hatred (hey, growing up wasn’t a bed of roses) that I hated visiting the dead relatives. I mean, why should I pray to them? I don’t even know them and vice versa! For God’s sakes, they had been dead before I was born! They are probably in hell, heaven or reborn already if you believe in reincarnation.

Soon, I started to skip 1 year and came back the next year.. But someone said, “It would help you if you go for Cheng Beng, pray for Hungry Ghosts.” I had disturbing visions and dreams of fighting with evil spirits then. Actually on and off. Maybe I think too much.

The only deceased relative that I would want to visit would be my maternal grandma. She was always kind to me, protecting me when mother scolded and hit me with rotan, letting me use her Shiseido lipstick… :’( I miss her.

“Why don’t we visit grandma?” I asked mom the year after she had passed away.

“Don’t want la.”

“Why not?!”

“Your (living) aunt doesn’t like us to visit her (grandma).”

“Why not? She is – was your mother!”

“Some people have superstition. They believe that we would take their wealth and good things from them if we go pray. Somemore I am the daughter.”

Meaning daughter(s) who is married (to outside) is considered outsider, not family. So to ensure the family name (son’s family) lives prosperously, the daughter’s family shouldn’t visit the deceased. Some families have another superstition – whoever prays first would get the majority, if not all, of the good stuff bestowed by the deceased relatives. How silly.

“We can go after she went. Then she wouldn’t know we went there hehee.”

“Don’t want la. I believe we should appreciate loved ones while they are alive. Not after they are dead.”

Mmm.. true also. So why do we pray at father’s ancestors? Just coz they are males side of relatives and we should follow the tradition?

-^-

Loved ones are in our hearts.

I so stupid & Guy helped (Updated)

I tried something using a free voucher given by Mich. I had to choose to buy it or lose the 50% discounts. It had to be on that day. Only that day.

Even though my head wasn’t that big, I wanted to wear the big hat. The big hat would make my head look better. Or so I hoped. I bought the big hat. It’s a Chinese metaphor “moi kum dai ge tao, mm mou dai kum dai ge mou” which means if you don’t have such a big head, don’t wear a big hat. Because it isn’t compatible. Mostly it’s used on people who wanted to buy something really extravagant but couldn’t afford it. Me. Ugh!

I could blame on the recommender but it wasn’t the recommender’s fault. *bang head onto wall repeatedly* Dum dum.

Sigh.. I so wanted to go back and return the purchase. Regret Regret..

Shit! How am I going to live with this?

As I waited for the bus, I held the purchase tightly – didn’t want someone to steal it after I had paid so much for it. Maybe I can sell it off! :)

:( Who would want it?

Alas, I waited for awhile but there was no bus! I went back inside to Borders bookshop – since I was already in the area, might as well learn something from Borders and from the trip. Saved my transport money if I have to come here just to go to Borders.

I prided myself on not being a shopaholic and getting into debts. Now I know how it feels to want something but couldn’t afford it, yet still buy it and then regret it.

How it feels to have someone berating you for making such mistake. Like when 1 of my friend confessed, “I don’t have anymore money. I bought [so many things] already.”

I retorted, “Who told you to buy so expensive?”

After the purchase, I berated myself for it. Now I experienced what my friend could’ve felt when I retorted him. I was like my friend. In the first place, I couldn’t identify with my friend’s need to spend more than available. Now I do. (Is my grammar correct?)

I stood in front of the Self Improvement rack for a long time. Just looking at the book covers with no particular target. Absorbed the titles and quotes.. Breathed in peace (a bit). My eyes wandered and then stared at 1 book.

Guy Finley - The Secret of Letting Go
Guy Finley – The Secret of Letting Go

Oh, this guy is old :) but according to his official website:

Guy is the best-selling author of The Secret of Letting Go and more than 30 other books and audio albums that have sold over a million copies in 16 languages worldwide. In addition, he has presented over 4,000 unique self-realization seminars to thousands of grateful students throughout North America and Europe over the past 20 years and has been a guest on over 400 television and radio shows, including national appearances on ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, NPR, Wisdom Network, and many others.

Throughout his youth, Guy suspected there was more to life than the type of worldly success that led to the emptiness and frustration he saw among his own “successful” friends and colleagues.

His own “successful” friends and colleagues? I wasn’t successful (in terms of career) – in fact, the reason I was reading it at Borders during most office people’s working hours was because I was looking for the greatest, most suitable career/job for myself. Heh. Ironic huh? I wasn’t successful and I was feeling empty, frustrated, helpless demotivated. At least those people were successful. Shouldn’t they be happy?

Worldly success and inner happiness can be related. Or not.

Browsing his official website, the fonts Papyrus looked very familiar… Mmm.. Oh! I know! I had subscribed to his site’s newsletter after reading this book. After a month reading his newsletter, I unsubscribed. The newsletters are not full via email but I had to click to go to his website – this I know it’s to get more hits on the website. And then, you still have to click on another link to read the whole newsletter. The newsletter is also very simple. Maybe life is – it should be.

I can’t say I read the whole book and understand 1/2 of what I read at that. But I felt so much better after that. The book is really so much more useful than the newsletters.

What’s done is done. I had felt regret and stupidity. I let go of that feeling and know that I would use the product to the maximum. I promised to myself I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake again.

Guy Finley – The Secret of Letting Go with chapters info. I’d recommend you read the 2 text excerpts and hear audio-recorded excerpts provided so that you get an idea what the book is about. The idea of letting go is inspiring. Since it’s in really plain English, no exotic words and not many specific examples or real life situations either, I felt some parts were boring.

If you have issues that you still keep – maybe it’s being touch inappropriately by your uncle when you were a kid, maybe it’s addiction to smoking, keep thinking of how lovely the past was with your deceased wife.. this book may lift you to let go and take positive actions to resolve pending issues.

Click here to buy Guy Finley – The Secret of Letting Go @ Amazon.com

Guy Finley’s official site @ http://www.guyfinley.com

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