Didn’t you notice that?

At work, a colleague (C) asked me something that was not 100% under my governance and I told C to refer to the actual “governor”. Once C heard the “governor’s” name, C decided that C needn’t ask the governor but just inform governor what C wants to do. I felt that was disrespectful. Though the governor maybe new, whatever new process that relates to governor’s work, C should ask for opinion for there are impacts on areas that C or I or even governor may not be aware of.

So I told C, “Don’t bully G.”

“I don’t bully G. I treat her nicely. Didn’t you notice that I talk to her nicer than I talk with you?”

Whoa.. I thought about it. Yeah, C does talk nicer to G though sometimes C was sarcastic to G as well and G noticed this too. Was it my bad that caused C to treat me like this? Maybe.. G is a sweet looker. C is not a sweet looker :p I wanted to tell him that’s because G’s a pretty gal and I treat G nicer than I to you too but I didn’t want to hurt C’s feelings.

Then I remembered why this question sounded so familiar. Didn’t you notice that..?

Flashback to many moons ago, maybe even last year or the yr before?

A friend (L) had asked me this question when we talked about hanging out again after months of cold war you are not a true friend, I don’t want to friend you… L asked, “Don’t you notice that we never come out everytime you ask us out? We deliberately didn’t want to go out with you!”

That was a shock. Coz a few seconds earlier, she was complaining, “Why you didn’t take your new car and take me out for lunch? I’m staying so nearby you! We used to fetch you go everywhere! And now that you have your own car, you don’t even come find us and take us out!” I imagined L pouted prettily. L was a very beautiful girl with liquid doe eyes.

Huh. I asked L to come out for lunch but L didn’t want to come out for she had her principles. Why I could go to warehouse sales nearby our friend’s house but I couldn’t visit our friend? Our friend was a single mom then. I tried. I called & emailed her. Single mom wanted time alone  and would call us when she was ready to see me. I didn’t like to force people to see me. I still don’t.

So L asked what if our single mom friend committed suicide or got depressed, “Would you be responsible for you didn’t help her out of it?”

As much as we’d like to think that we have the power to change other people, I believe the power to change comes from within. We can influence but the decision maker is still up to the person.

I don’t know which hurt more, coming from colleague or friend. Friend? We are no longer friends. More like acquaintances that have each other in Facebook for the sake of oh I know you but I don’t think of calling you up for lunch or whatever. Love. Hate.

I didn’t retort on what C said, unlike usually. Perhaps he had been hurt by what I said earlier. Perhaps not.

Time for self-reflection. Mmm… Why would I think that C treats G nicer because G is pretty? Do I think that I am not pretty? Mmm… I guessed I had issues with self-confidence. Nope. Make that confirmation, not guessing. Now. What to do next? I am beautiful in my own way. I am beautiful in my own way. I am beautiful in my own way. I am beautiful in my own way. I am beautiful in my own way. I am beautiful in my own way…

Hope everybody communicates in win-win talk. As much as they both annoyed me at times, there were times when C & G enriched me and I hoped I did enrich them at some point in their lives.

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